and the time to be selfish would be right around now. i've made it just about half-way towards my career goal and it feels nothing short of surreal.

MUSIC.

the one tangible thing that has had the most impact on my life? MUSIC.
my understandings sung in chorus
multiple underlying sounds incorporated creatively
many ubiquitous sequences identified comprehensively
making ultimately simple idioms cerebral
moving unconditionally, soaring independently, constantly

the list could go on, but the point is clear. music is my first and true love. it is the one thing that can make my heart pound with joy or my soul cry with sorrow in an instant.

and so it goes.

nothing worthwhile is ever easy.
life must be worth every second of every day then.
and why wouldn't it be, it is the greatest gift of all time is it not?

easier .. for now

it's true, it does get easier. but at the same time, it gets harder. juggling schedules, increasing your knowledge base while still retaining all of last semester's information, and refining your bedside manners. at least i have come to an understanding that my anxiety, while not abnormal, is typically too bountiful and useless. sure, it keeps me on my toes, but it should never create knots in my stomach or prevent me from getting a good night's sleep anymore. i am competent, i just need to work on my confidence as a health care provider.

luckily, my outlook appears to be brighter than before due to my awesome peers, easy to work with mentors, and my supportive instructor who understands, more than anyone else I've met, what it feels like to be in our [clinical] shoes.

my anxiety level has significantly decreased. let's hope this becomes a lasting trend.

faith

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His kindness endures forever.
Psalms 118:1

Daily prayer:
Father, enlighten us so we can begin to understand the future You have prepared for us. Heal our erroneous thinking about Heaven and manifest the truth.

perhaps it is true that we fail to think about our everlasting life because we are so caught up with the beautiful struggle here on earth. maybe this is why we fear death, because we don't put Heaven in our forefront thoughts.

I'm listening

yesterday, someone told me i should be a counselor because i always listen to peoples' problems. i replied with, "i like listening to peoples' problems (it takes away from my own, jk)." but i genuinely do like to listen because sometimes people just need to vent and release their pent up frustrations. i always try to give my perspective on the situation because sometimes the simplest thought can inspire them to take action or even change their view.

it's hard to solve your own problems because you have so much emotion invested in them. seeing things from someone else's point of view will almost always be helpful, even if only to confirm your own view.

mountains

with all the figurative mountains i've been climbing up lately, climbing up an actual mountain didn't seem that bad. i love nature and i love physical activity, but i do not love being scorched by the sun for extended periods of time. the view was kind of lackluster, but maybe it was just my dehydration that stole the beauty away from the moment. or perhaps i just need to find a mountain with a better view. anyhow, what i loved most about this experience was being able to share it with my mom. she's been the strongest influence on my life and i absolutely love her to death. i've since realized that most of my adventurous side stems from her and her desire to constantly challenge herself.