money matters

never really mattered to me. i've always found a way to get by, whether it was by a loan, good credit, or pinching pennies, i've managed to fend [somewhat] for myself.

now i find myself struggling to find the means to an end.

the end being my career. the means used to be nursing.

but alas, the market has been saturated with money hungry people that aren't really in it to help others, but simply to have more money than sense. so, thank you greedy mongrels, for putting me out of a job that i truly would have enjoyed. 

now, i know there are a million other jobs that help people, but i've had my heart set on this plan for so long that i don't know what to do now. 

there's still that option of living a military life in blue. oh, i'd be blue alright, inside and out. 

of course a house run by retirees would encourage me to sign my soul over. it gave them the glorious life they have now.

but 20 years of putting on a uniform everyday, answering to some commander, yelling at the people below you because your ass is on the line even when they fuck up, that REALLY sounds like the life i want to live.

not to mention it was the navy that took my father away for extended periods of time.

it was the navy that made my mom move to japan by herself, causing the deterioration of my nuclear family.

and it's the navy now that will haunt me till the end of time.

it's not a bad choice, it's just not the choice i'm ready to make.

i don't want to be a housewife. i don't want kids. 

i just wanted to be stable and helpful to others.

now i'm just another fish in the sea, about to graduate with a bachelor's degree and no designated path to follow. 

what now?