release

lately i have been abstaining from substances that don't present an actual need in my life. why? because i've tricked myself delusional into thinking that a 9 to 5 somewhere, someday will be mine. being in the health field, of course i'll have to piss in a cup. so should that day ever occur, i will be clean. or at least i would've been till a few hours ago. i have succumb once more to the gateway drug. and i guess once those gates open, they don't ever close up completely. at least they won't yet. not until the universe decides to throw some luck my way.
and how do i feel now? well i'm a bit sleepy [but when am i not?] and i have a million and one things on my mind yet i can't pinpoint a single one. vague thoughts are all that escape the river flowing through my mind, flooded with questions, dreams, fears, and the desire to just take a step back and relax.