Psychedelic happenings..

took the trip of a lifetime, seriously. 

a silent recap of the past 21 years of my life played in my mind for 6 hours. 

as the leaves of trees were swaying in the non-existent blow-dryer type feeling wind while the mountains grew bigger and smaller and the tiles kept moving, my mind was not still for a single moment. 

thinking. that's all i was capable of. thinking. crying. laughing. 

unable to control my emotions, i was maniacal, depressed, and just completely hysterical. 

thank goodness for my confidantes with whom i could share such an experience with without feeling an ounce of embarrassment. 

this intimate experience could only have occurred with those two. i love them so much, and i get one step closer to them with each trip, psychedelic or not. 

the intensity this time was just about too much to bare with. reality seemed so bleak and life was not worth living had i not felt the love of my friends or the longing to be with my nuclear family. 

my mother, my father, and the brother i miss so much. where have you all gone? work, school.. the same old story about the two things that separate us constantly. 

school- i really don't care for you. if i did, i wouldn't be avoiding the laundry list of assignments due within the next 48 hours. 

work- i work because i feel the need to. without it, i'd be a sponge, soaking up the wealth accumulated by those that bore me, and not making anything out of myself. i wonder if they appreciate that. 

love- is such a fickle thing. yet, it has the power to be all consuming. and it was. it consumed my mind. my thoughts always wrapped around the concept of loving another. loving him. and i do- and if i don't in the future, well i can't deny what i feel now just to save face. 

so many things were realized. this trip, although overwhelming and emotional, was absolutely necessary. 

my mind purged itself and is ready to move on.