F.

i hate the feeling of censorship. lately, i've been biting my tongue far more often than i should. i let my father berate me with criticism. i hide my feelings of despair and dissatisfaction from my partner. i listen to others without interrupting and say the things they want to hear. why? because i am a pansy. because i like to keep situations peaceful and i don't like making things bigger than they have to be. because.. if i said what i felt all the time, people would stop listening. because what i feel is not necessarily what is or what i think. because.. women are said to have uncontrollable emotions, to act irrationally. so in order for me to break that stereotype, i ignore my feelings and respond to situations with as little response as possible.

but i must admit, i am now at my tipping point. and before i explode, i'd like to let off some steam.

Dear Dad,
You don't always know what's best for me. what you want from me and what i want from life= two different things. if you keep telling me which way to go, i'll never learn how to guide myself. thanks for your help nonetheless.

Dear L,
there is no ring on this finger stating any obligations to act like your housewife. so if i'm the one bringing home the bacon, you should at least OFFER to cook it. i am also not a maid. i sacrifice a lot for us to live like we do, so please show me you can do the same. if you really want this relationship to last, you've got to show me. i know you love me, but ACTIONS speak louder than words.

Dear annoying ass motherfucker,
FUCK YOU.

Dear EMPLOYER,
you suck. you suck huge, hairy, vein-y balls. 4 hours a week is not a living for anyone! unless i made $50 an hour, how the fuck do you expect me to live?! off air and love alone? you are the reason why i've lost weight. because i can't afford to eat everyday. so FUCK YOU.

Dear Mom,
sorry i can be such a brat. i will try my best to avoid duplicating myself in the near future, for your sake.